What is writing coaching?

What is writing coaching?

When I think about coaching in general, what comes to mind are those sports coaches in the movies who yell at the players, telling them what to do and calling them names if they aren't working hard enough. 

This isn't that. 

It's not my job as a coach to make you do anything or to shame you if you fail. A writing coach is a partner in and a witness to your process. My job as a coach is to help you articulate goals. It's to help you identify strengths and areas to work on. It's to brainstorm strategies with you and provide a system of support and challenge for following through.

Writing coaching is about your writing and how it fits into your life as a whole, not just about a particular writing project. What do you want your writing life to look like? What do you need to know and be able to do to make it happen? What are your resources and limitations? The coaching process involves using the answers to those questions to formulate a plan, stay on track, make adjustments where necessary, and celebrate your accomplishments.

Examples of work that we could do within our coaching relationship:

• Determine the cause(s) of your writer's block and develop strategies for overcoming it
• Figure out how to fit writing into your schedule
• Find - and learn to appreciate - your unique writing voice
• Identify your strengths as a writer and capitalize on them
• Learn and practice new skills for making your writing snap, crackle, pop, & ka-BOOM
• Finish your writing project

What to expect 

The coaching packages are designed to provide a system of support, challenge, and accountability. Each coaching session and email check-in involves a report on your progress and challenges since the last session and tasks to accomplish by the next session. Voice or video sessions may also involve my asking clarifying questions to learn more about your process, help you identify what’s not working, and brainstorm alternative strategies. The result over time is a transformative experience that leads to a better understanding of what kind of writing life you want and what you need to do to have it.

Even though I manage a group of editors and writing coaches, I reached outside of my circle and contacted Sione because I was impressed with her positive attitude and her level of confidentiality in regards to client material. We set up a program to work together for 6 months, focusing on my writing goals and challenges, many of which pertained to time-management and putting my writing ahead of other projects. I found Sione’s techniques, insights, and approach so helpful that I continued to work with her for a full year. At the end of the year, I had one more request for a full developmental edit of my novel. Sione is gem. As I once said to her, My PhD program taught me how to write, but Sione Aeschliman taught me how to be a writer. She is gracious, professional and innately gifted. 
 – Kristin, PhD, writer of literary fiction & poetry 

When you contact me to inquire about writing coaching services, I'll want to start with an initial consultation to learn more about who you are, what you write, what your aspirations and challenges are, and what kind of support you need. You may not have all the answers right away, and that's okay. We'll start from what you know and go from there. And of course you'll also have the opportunity to ask me questions to help you determine whether I'm the right coach for you. 

After our consultation, I'll email you my notes as well as recommendations for a coaching plan. If you choose to hire me as your coach, we'll sign an agreement, you'll make your first payment, and our work together will begin.

Sione didn't share my belief that I had nothing worthwhile to say; instead she insisted that I continue to take the steps I needed to write, even if those steps were small. She helped me realize that what I am experiencing in this moment contains enough to write stories – I don’t need to go looking for it in writing books. Using gentle but steadfast encouragement, Sione helped me discover and remove my own obstacles to writing.

- Diane Gilman, writer of fiction & non-fiction

Please note: While feedback on your writing might be part of our coaching agreement, the purpose of the feedback is not editing; rather it is to support the process of setting goals and making progress toward them. If editing is what you want, please visit my Editing Services page.

Ready to explore writing coaching further? Email me at sioneaeschliman (at) gmail (dot) com. I look forward to speaking with you soon!

The back of the closet

Last week I wrote about one of the major reasons I fail to get writing done, namely that I try to swallow the whole ocean in one gulp, become paralyzed by my inability to do so, and in my enthusiasm to get everything done NOW, manage to get nothing done.

Another habit I'm trying to break is shoving writing time to the back of the closet. I'm really good at getting work done for other people, but not so good at reserving time and energy to work on my own writing. Up until about a year ago, I'd consistently save writing for the end of the day and was often too drained to give it very much effort. My fix for that was to make my first block of work time each day writing time.

But last week I fell into the trap once again. I stayed up super late reading on Tuesday night, and as a result, Wednesday morning was shot. What do you think I shoved to the back of the closet? Was it blogging? Marketing work? No. It was writing. Again. 

Swallowing the Atlantic

Over the last few days I've been having a conversation with another writer friend of mine about our plans for this year and all the creative projects we want to complete.  In both our cases, our heads are full of ideas; there's so much that we want to do, we're excited about doing it, and we want to DO ALL THE THINGS RIGHT NOW. It's like trying to swallow the entire Atlantic Ocean in one gulp. Not possible. Not until we figure out how to split ourselves up into multiple bodies or clone ourselves, and even that solution comes with some pretty serious undesirable consequences. (Trust me, I've spent a lot of time thinking this through.)

Anyway, the point is that, at least in my case, I start to feel overwhelmed and then become paralyzed. I put so much pressure on myself to get everything done well and quickly that I end up not doing anything at all. No bueno!

So what can one do instead of trying to swallow the whole ocean in a single gulp?

Write down your goals
The first step is to know where you're headed. What do you want to accomplish? If you're already suffering from overwhelm paralysis, it likely means you have LOTS of goals. Write them down.

While you're at it, make up some new ones. Why not? I love this part - the dreaming part, the scheming part, the part full of all kinds of possibility. I like goal-setting so much that it probably means there's something wrong with me.

A long, loud scream (& ROW80 Round 4 Goals)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Photo by Rick Campbell

My feet-dragging turned into a full-blown crisis of confidence when I sat down to apply to a couple of writing residencies yesterday. While I still found my artist's statement inspiring, as I read through my completed stories, rolling my eyes at any perceived imperfection, all I could think was, "This isn't good enough. I'm not good enough."

Good enough for what? For someone to pick me, to think I'm worth investing in as a writer. Good enough to have someone give me free room and board and possibly to pay me a stipend as well. Good enough for someone else to think it's any good.

My writing doesn't fit the contemporary trend. It doesn't fit what I was taught was "good writing" in my college creative writing courses. It doesn't look or sound like the writing I admire. There is an element of my writing not yet being equal to my taste level, but more than that it's an issue of my writing being different.

Writer's block, part 3 - Repressing thoughts & feelings

Yesterday morning I was thinking about my friend, who's in school and having a rough time trying to finish his thesis. He's chosen a great topic that he has personal stake in, but for some reason he's lost the motivation to write it. At first I suggested that maybe he has an univiting anticipated audience (more on that in a future post on writer's block), but now I'm wondering whether it's even deeper than that - whether at least part of the reason he's having such a hard time writing his paper is because he's struggling to write authentically about something that has a lot of personal meaning to him in a traditional, academic style.

When I was an undergrad, I was taught that in academic writing, one doesn't use the pronoun I, one doesn't refer to personal experience, one doesn't admit to not knowing or not having an opinion. One's job, in an academic essay, is to come across as confident, informed, and impartial as one guides the reader through a logical and thorough argument. In other words, the goal is to write as if I am a robot. This made it much harder to write because, as you may guess, I am not a robot. In grad school, however, I decided that being authentic and honest was more important to me than abiding by the conventions, and luckily, most of my grad school professors were into alternative rhetorics and let me get away with some pretty unorthodox shit.

But if those are still the conventions of academic writing, then it makes sense to me that my friend would have a really hard time connecting with his motivation for writing this paper. It makes sense to me that he might be experiencing writer's block as a result of feeling like he can't be honest, like he has to repress the very parts of himself that made him want to pursue his line of research in the first place.

Writer's block, part 2 - Too many ideas

As I went to start writing this post, I hesitated. Should I write about what I've been experiencing today, this general sense of writing as an obligation, as a "have-to" which rates the same on the Annoyance-O-Meter as a fly buzzing around my sushi? (F--- off, fly! *SWAT!*)

Or maybe I should tackle one of the ideas I'd already jotted down - the need for control or self-judgement or repressing thoughts & feelings or etc., etc.

If I chose to work on the first idea because it was most up for me, and I continued to do that every week, when would I get to these other ideas? But if I tried to work on one of these other ideas when I wasn't really feeling it in the moment, would the post be as good as it can be?

I hesitated. I dithered. I became paralyzed by indecision.

ROW80 2014 Round 1 Goals

The first round in 2014 of A Round of Words in 80 Days (ROW80) starts tomorrow! Hooray! 

Some of you may know that I've been participating in ROW80 for a solid year now, and I honestly think that I wouldn't have accomplished as much as I have if I hadn't been participating. There's something important about not only setting goals but also checking back in with myself on a regular - in this case, weekly - basis to acknowledge what I've accomplished. Or just remind myself I had stuff I meant to do.

As I've read my fellow ROW80 participants' check-ins over the last year, my ideas about what goals to include have expanded beyond projects related to my identity as a writer. This round I've added health and reading goals. Other goals have carried over from previous rounds.

ROW80 2014 Round 1 Goals

Happy Holidays

Tomorrow I'm driving about four hours to my family's Christmas celebration. Whenever I travel long-ish distances by car, bus, or airplane, I think about the fact that I could die. I'm not sure why it never occurs to me to think about dying when I zip to the grocery store or across town for brunch, but it doesn't. Only long-ish distances.

Anyway, so I'm thinking about the possibility of dying, either on the way there or the way back (knock on wood that doesn't happen), and I started thinking, If this were my last blog post, what would I want to say to everyone out there?

Writing prompt 27

Once again it's time for the weekly writing prompt and ROW80 update. Woo hoo!

For some reason I've been writing a lot of poetry over the last week or so. Not saying it's good stuff, but it does just keep flowing, and I do my best to honor what comes by writing it down in my notebook. This week's prompt is something I jotted down yesterday that may or may not be part of a poem I may or may not finish. Do with it what you will.

Prompt
I'm removing from my bedside table all the things that burn. 

ROW80 Update
"A Round of Words in 80 Days is the writing challenge that knows you have a life." You can find a more complete description of my goals for 2013 Round 4 here.

It's not about not being enough

A friend of mine who recently broke up with her boyfriend keeps asking herself, over and over, "What's wrong with me? Why wasn't I enough?"

One of my clients recently auditioned for a musical, got a call-back, and felt she nailed it. And then didn't make the cast list. I imagine her asking herself similar questions.

Several years ago, though, I realized that it's not about not having been enough, and it's not necessarily about having done something wrong. I can bring my A-game, be my most awesomest, and it still might not work out. Because it's not about me being "enough" or "right," it's about what they need at this time in their life. It's about fit.

And it's not my job to be right-for-them! It's my job to be my true self, the best true self I can be in this moment. Just like it's their job to be themselves. They can be their best, most awesomest self and still not be right-for-me. That doesn't make them defective, just like my not being right-for-them doesn't make me defective. Or unlovable. Or a bad person.

"Why don't I just write?!?"

One of the things that makes me such an effective writing coach (I tell myself) is that I so frequently struggle with writing. I come up against internal barriers to that whole putting-words-on-paper thing and then spend the next several minutes/days/weeks - or even, once, years - trying to figure out what my problem is.

Why don't I just write?!?

Photo by Rick Campbell

My developmental editor, Diane, was expecting new work from me yesterday. After several weeks of not sending her anything, I had *promised* to send her something. But instead I sent her a message requesting an extension until noon today. Kind and generous soul that she is, she granted it to me.

But now I was doubly committed. I had to do this thing. So I sat down to write. (Hallelujah! So often this is my greatest challenge: just getting myself to show up to it.) I sat down with my computer did the thing that often gets results: I opened an existing writing project and started reading it.

Nothing happened. And then a mild panic set in.

Writing through the holidays

My dear fellow writers, the time has come: the holiday season! We must begin thinking about our holiday attack plan re: our writing schedules NOW, before we get sucked into the holiday mania whirlwind! If we do not, before we know it we'll be getting spit out into January, slightly disheveled, a bit worse for wear, and a million thought-miles away from our writing projects. This is a call to action! (Well...actually it's a call to *thinking*, but that doesn't sound as urgent.)

Photo by Rick Campbell

Some writers I know plan to take a break from writing during the holiday madness. It's a totally valid option, but I don't feel comfortable taking two months off from writing when I know it'll just be that much harder to get my head back into my writing projects come January.

So how can I acknowledge the limitations that come with intensive time spent with family (not to mention the travel or, if you're hosting, the prep and clean-up time) while still making progress toward my writing goals?

I asked a few fellow writers for their own strategies and came up with a few ideas of my own:

A year and a month

Today marks exactly one year and one month since I began freelancing and writing full-time. Since I have no interview to post today, I thought I'd spend some time reflecting over my progress. What have I accomplished in that time? (Obviously will not be an exhaustive list, just the highlights.)

Business Development

• Learned how to use Twitter & now have over 1,100 Twitter followers (plus over 700 followers for my pseudonym)
• Began working with two fabulous business coaches: Jim Newcomer of Balance Breakthrough Coaching; and Jackie Babicky, author of Better, Smarter, Richer: Seven Business Principles for Solopreneurs 
• Narrowed my business focus down to editing and writing coaching
• Am only a few days' consistent traffic away from 1800 hits/month on this blog - WOOT!

Why I stopped writing

I fell in love with reading and writing stories at a very young age. I had three favorite stations at the Montessori kindergarten: the reading corner, where I'd stay until they kicked me out, saying I had to do something else for a while; the story station, where they had these little books that you drew the pictures for (or were there already pictures and you wrote the words? I don't remember; I only know I thought I was writing a book); and the station where you got to wash the abalone shell. (That last one is weird, as I despise dish washing.) I remember running in the door after school and showing off to my mom that I knew how to spell big words like hospital and dinosaur. I believe she was genuinely impressed.

I don't know whether I wrote down many stories between the ages of six and fourteen, but I told plenty and devoured at least two to three books a week. When I was ten or eleven and my family lived in Barrington, Rhode Island, my dad would take us to the library every week to get new books. I read all fourteen Oz books twice.

What I (re)learned this week

Here are three fairly unrelated things about writing that I learned in the last week-ish.

1. You can't just go on about your busy business and expect the ideas to elbow their way past all the other junk into your brain; you have to make space for them to come. You have to invite them and wait.

Photo by Rick Campbell

Sigh. I thought I knew what I was going to blog about this week. Twice I started blog posts, got a paragraph into them, and then abandoned them. I'd start writing, and then I'd realize I didn't really know what I wanted to say. But instead of sitting with it, instead of making space to think about it, I moved onto the next thing. And I almost didn't write a blog post today because I didn't already know what I wanted to write.

Writing prompt 16

Today's post includes the weekly writing prompt and the final ROW80 Round 3 check-in.

This week's writing prompt is based on one I gave to a coaching client and could work equally well for writers of poetry, fiction or creative non-fiction.

Prompt
Choose an object to write about. It can be in your house, found by the side of the road, or an object you remember. 

Freewrite about the object for a minimum of 5 minutes (but keep going as long as you can) - physical description, personal associations, the real or imagined history of the object, how you came by it/came across it. Think of the object as a character you're introducing, but also be open to letting your mind take you to unexpected places.


 ROW80 update

Writing prompt 11

It's writing prompt day!! =*D

You wanna know why I'm so happy? Because I've actually been writing this week! Oh miracle of miracles! Joy of joys! (P.S. The world needs more exclamation points!!!) But I'll say more about my own writing in my ROW80 update below. On to the prompt.

This week's writing prompt consists of a couple of sentences that formed in my vicinity last week. I don't know what to do with them - I have too many other works in progress - so I offer them to you.

Prompt: I think - but don't say aloud - that her tears mean less because she is so free with them. How can I believe she loves me when I've seen her cry just as hard over a Benji movie?

If you're new to these weekly writing prompts and wondering what you're supposed to do with it, the answer is: pretty much whatever you want. Maybe these sentences set your brain on fire and inspire a new story/poem/essay. (That would be my hope!) Or maybe you just use them as a place to start freewriting for five minutes or so, as a way to warm up to your writing. (That'd be cool, too.) Whatever you decide to do, I encourage you to focus this week on writing as fun. Writing as play. Set your mind free and see where it goes.

What is writing coaching?

Several things happened a month ago (or is it two? darn you, Time, for marching on!) that caused me to consider adding writing coaching to my list of services. "But what is writing coaching?" I thought. "And how is it different from developmental editing?" Much to my surprise, I found I had an answer. Even more surprising: I realized I was already doing it! I've been coaching friends and family (and even editing clients a little bit) for years. I coached my students when I taught writing. I love coaching. I love feeling like I've contributed something positive to people's lives--have helped them gain clarity, overcome their sense of overwhelm, or learn a new writing skill.

But back to the question at hand: What is writing coaching?

Whereas developmental editing is focused on a piece of writing--on bringing that piece of writing to the next level--writing coaching is concerned with the writer's development. It's a bit like an independent study: the writer sets the goals, and the writer and the coach work together to determine how those goals will be met. There may be "assignments," but it's up to the writer to determine whether those assignments are worth trying. The role of the coach is to listen and reflect; to offer suggestions based on her or his experience and expertise; and to help the writer break down larger aspirations into smaller, achievable tasks that do not overwhelm. In a (perhaps oversimplified) nutshell: writing coaching is about helping people identify and remove the barriers to their creative expression.